Old Maide

Today and the days preceding I found myself feeling/looking similar to that retched picture of the grey-haired old lady in the deck of vixens in the game of Old Maide! I remember the heartbreak of drawing that card when we played as kids! That card became so wrinkled and destroyed because it never failed when one of use kids drew that card we would throw it or crumple it in a fist of rage (I know, slightly over-dramatic but if you played the game you can relate!) Well I feel like my life has had a lot more of these moments lately! I want to stomp my feet, say it isn't fair and throw something across the room! We have had a really bad couple of weeks when it comes to finances and Molly, no particular order. It seems like things in the house break or quit working all at once and this go round it was the big hitters, the geothermal, the washer and other things! To top all of that off Molly had a seizure Sunday night in her sleep. Her StL doctor has prescribed a new medicine that she is to take twice a day for three days.................and she has...................and this is where I want to throw things across the room! This am she got up early to pick berries, however, her body would not move like we are used to! She was in SLO-MO! She was emotional! She was a mess...............and I was late for work! Mace, in true Mace fashion, grabbed her some clean clothes, found her shoes and helped scurry her along and me, in true mom fashion, YELLED hurry up! She melted. She was now a slo-mo puddle of tears and couldn't understand why! Then it hit me, NEW MED, DUH MOM! I really stink at this mom thing sometimes! Today I feel worse then the Old Maide. I was late for work, they were late to the patch, she cried on plenty of berries I'm sure and I cried all the way to work as it hit me ............... she has a lot of adjusting but maybe the biggest adjustment is for ME! I cried and I prayed! I wonder sometimes why Old Maide has been popping up in our deck of life so much recently. I am reminded a lot of the blessings that we have! My husband is a rock, Mitch is steady, Macy is genuine, Molly is PURE and Marly............well she likes to scream a lot right now but in totality we have a lot to be thankful for; but man.............someone else can take their turn w/ that crappy card! In the game of life we are dealt a hand of cards and I know its how we play them but right now I want to throw the cards across the room, pull Molly in tight, the blankets over our heads and say I'm sorry. Keep Molly in your prayers and if you want the wrinkled card or have any idea how to get rid of it for good...................COME AND GET IT!

Warrior status!!!

Today I was reminded what exactly warrior status meant! My mom and I took Molly to her psych/neuro appt at Cardinal Glennon Knights of Columbus building. This appointment started at 9am so of course we were out the door EARLY! Molly never complained once. She bid her older siblings farewell as they were left alone to get themselves fed, ready, and on the bus all on their own! She kissed Dad and Marly on the cheek as they left before us to go to work and grandma Jane's to play....... respectively. We arrive at the facility and the day begins. She is asked to go back by herself with a strange new Doctor for TWO HOURS. We broke for lunch then 2 more hours. My legs were so sore from the day prior at CROSSFIT that I complained most of the day as I SAT and anxiously awaited to see Mollys smiling face emerge from that lock pad door! Mitch texted on the way home his plans to practice after practice and asks if I can join! I did, and I cheered and I yelled and I timed and I high-fived! I was shoulder to shoulder with Warriors all day today! It blows my mind that Molly never hesitates to go with Doctor's. She is the BRAVEST WARRIOR I know! Mitch and his teammates are preparing for Sectionals and wanted extra work ........he is the most determined WARRIOR I know and he is surrounded by THE VERY BEST FRIENDS/WARRIOIRS a mom could ever ever ask for! We have our warrior faces on and ready to greet the challenge! Wether it be test results or the finish line...... we got this!!!

LENDING LIBRARY!!

So, as I lay my head down at night this title runs through my head like a marquee. LENDING LIBRARY, LENDING LIBRARY, LENDING LIBRARY! I know it sounds odd, but let me explain. When we were sent home after Molly was born I felt it was on a rental sort of basis. I remember, as a kid, getting to go to the Library and if our library didn't have a book we could get 1 from the LENDING LIBRARY. That book (for me it was the ENTIRE little house on the prairie series) would come from a different library and I would take so much pride in that book and even try to get it back early and in better condition then I got it. I was proud to have it and I treated it as such. This is how I felt when I got to keep Molly! Perhaps those Doctors at Cardinal Glennon cheated death when they saved her life and now she was on a "loan" from God. I embraced that, I was proud, I vowed to teach her all about God and his wondrous deeds and when she would be called back she would have been better then when I got her, that was my mindset...............Then Sunday happened. She experienced a 45 minute seizure at my mom's. Moran was quick to get to mom's from work in Effingham and drove her to the hospital as she was unresponsive. When I got that call from mom the words LENDING LIBRARY came to mind for the 1st time! I have always felt she was on a loan basis but these words rang out. Was her book getting stamped, was this the date she was getting called back? I know, sounds odd but this is how I felt! ESPECIALLY in the ambulance on the way to St Louis! So here we are, at home, safe and sound and just waiting to see if she has another seizure. Many have called and asked about her so I thought I would turn to this blog. She is not herself. She has puked several times since being home, even last night! She doesn't have the flu but nothing stays down. FAST FORWARD 1 year!!!!! I composed the 1st part of this blog right at a year ago and never posted it. Time got away from me! Here we are a whole year later and six seizures deep into an unknown world! Molly "appears" normal but her brain struggles and she struggles to comprehend things that were once second nature! My Mitch has a super short fuse with her because sometimes her behavior is so odd or her memory is so absent he is sure she is "faking it!" It takes one look into her blank stare to realize there is no FAKING this! We are vigilant in making sure she takes her meds mornings and nights and that she gets all the sleep her little brain needs. Regardless, the safe measures aren't enough at times and she still has a seizure. Her seizures happen in her sleep or in the twilights stage! Not fully asleep at night or not fully awake in the morning! Mitch wants to get her a seizure dog because it really is scary to witness but they cost a lot of money!! If anyone is independently wealthy and wants a good cause I guess they could pay for Molly a seizure dog! We are on medication number 2 and make a wish won't grant a wish until she fails 3 meds! I hope she doesn't get a wish, med changes are very hard on her! To whomever turned her in for a wish, THANK YOU! We pray a lot! We pray that she will somehow grow out of this, we pray for all the babies in the NICU and we pray that she will always be in her own bed if she does have a seizure! My big kids are real protective of her and she HATES that! She doesn't ever ever want anyone to mess over her...... she wants to be her own person! Spend a day with Miss Molly and you will know why she is the most popular book in the LENDING LIBRARY!

NerVeS!

Mom's nerves are shot. I say this as sweet as I can and with as much patience as I can but it's where I'm at. There are a whole hosts of reasons......but mostly perspective (or a gross lack thereof). Puke in the middle of the night makes us appreciate the non puke riddled night, rain makes us appreciate sunshine, bills even cause a sense of accomplishment when we get them paid........so quit whining!I want to shout this from my rooftop. Someone right now is experiencing loss or overwhelming grief, perhaps the weight of sadness or depression and we are really gonna complain about the lines at Walmart, the traffic, the price of milk.....get it together people. Guzzle down a big dose of acceptance and realize everyone you meet has a current battle! Love others and treat others with great kindness! With that said my Molly is staring down her nose at another hospital visit and surgery. She will be getting her upper airways Un blocked and her ears back to "hearing!" This occurs 12.27 so a few extra prayers to help ease her through a nasty recovery would be great! I wish this wasn't going to happen to Molly but Faith will get this nervous nelly momma through this!

Heaven is AWESOME!

Some of you may know and many operate with FAITH, but I'm typing this to let all the parents of the children who gained their angel wings, children who lost their parents, friends who have lost their spouses......HEAVEN IS AWESOME! As most of you are aware, Molly struggled horribly her first hours, days and even weeks of life! Her earthly body was not well and as we all prayed and watched her struggle she was sitting on Jesus's lap! A few weeks ago I shared with my kids that a little guy we prayed for died. My Macy started crying and Molly looked at her and said, "Don't be sad Macy! Heaven is awesome, I've been there and I got to hold a puppy when I was there!" I got the chills! A couple weeks after that she told a small child at a birthday party that heaven needs balloons too! She purposely let 3 balloons go at that party because, "Mom, those babies in Heaven need balloons too!" She is sooo wise beyond her years! Ask her next time you see her about Heaven, she will tell you what she can verbalize! She talks about sharing Jesus's lap, she talks about all the babies, all the angels! At Church the other day she prayed that a certain little boy that she loved that went to Heaven still liked his Angel wings! It's very comforting to me that while her Earthly body failed her on several occasions she was being comforted by her maker! Sooo, why is she here, why did we get to keep her........to help others realize Heaven is AWESOME! She is really something special! Hug your babies tight and if they are in HEAVEN (no matter their size) know they would probably not (if given the chance) come back to us! We miss them soo much it hurts, but they are happy! I hope this comforts friends and families that miss their loved ones tonigt, but know its not forever and they are safe until we meet again!

Smile!

SMILE!! YEP......this has been the consensus at the Moran house! My mom repeatedly tells me best years of her life was when she was 30! She goes on that it is when her kids were young and she had her health and energy! I have 2 of the 3, most days my energy is hit and miss! I have initiated major changes in my life as far as diet and exercise, and so hopefully my energy will be restored!

This Saturday we will be picking up 60 chickens......I know....60 seems like overkill but we LOVE chicken and eggs even more! Mitch is super excited! Mace and Molly are getting ducks! Hope a duck can survive without its head because Im sure Molly will be squeezing the head off of hers in pure excitement! SORRY PETA!

Mitch has turned 8, Molly has turned 2 and Mace is rapidly approaching 5 (going on 16). Our kids are amazing but all in their very own ways! Mitch is the protector, Mace is the peacemaker and Molly is the instigator! Mace prays on a regular basis for all the bad guys in the world to start turning into good guys......see? Peacemaker! Molly got a great report in Feb from Cardinal Glennon and we don't have to return to June! Yay! With the good news we have decided to start Mitch in travel baseball! His extra curricular activities have been on hold with his baby sister's health but I'm convinced it was all part of God's plan to slow down!

Going to bed! Hope you enjoyed the Moran housefly spot on our wall!

Happy Birthday Mom!

First of all I would like to thank all the friends and family out there for the many birthday wishes today, such a blessing to have so many awesome people in our life! Molly has been very sick all weekend. St. Louis made it very clear to us that they do not want her on any more steroids.  When she would get sick like this in the past we would run her to the Dr. or the ER if it was the middle of the night, they would give her steroids and fluids and she would come right around..................now.................we don't! We stay home with her and in between all the breathing treatments and inhaler moments we hope and pray that she maintains a tolerable oxygen level! She has an inhaler that she has now requested so I know that it makes her feel better! She gets three short bursts of the inhaler sometimes every hour and during that time she sings her ABC's...........so yes, my 22 month old knows her ABC's by heart! For the last week she hasn't slept but maybe 1 or 2 hours at night at a time. She can't stand to lay on her back when she is struggling to breathe...........who can? We don't even fight it, we get up w/ her amidst the coughing fit and pop a bag of popcorn in the micro, put Disney Clubhouse on the DVR and we sing, dance, eat popcorn and veg! She also makes us read books while the show is on, concentration at 2am w/ the hot dog song in the background is difficult at times! Some feel sorry for us and some want to help but really now that we know what we have to do we are managing quite well. Molly hates it, she stomps her feet when the asthma attack (coughing incessantly) starts and the whole time during. How do you coach an almost 2 year old to role with it............to embrace it................to calm down? I still freak so its probably some of momma's anxiety coming out as well! She coughs so hard at times she pukes which completely freaks me out! Ok so why the blog on my birthday? I went to get Molly out of her own bed this morning and I told her I was so proud of her for sleeping all night in her bed..............and she looked at me and said with her paci in her mouth.............."Happy Birthday Momma, I love you."  May seem pretty minor but this was the world to me. All 3 of our kids are a blessing but it wasn't until Molly that I was aware the magnitude of the blessing! Everything happens for a reason! The best birthday gift of all...............a full night sleep which is definitely indicative that she is feeling better! YAY!