LENDING LIBRARY!!

So, as I lay my head down at night this title runs through my head like a marquee. LENDING LIBRARY, LENDING LIBRARY, LENDING LIBRARY! I know it sounds odd, but let me explain. When we were sent home after Molly was born I felt it was on a rental sort of basis. I remember, as a kid, getting to go to the Library and if our library didn't have a book we could get 1 from the LENDING LIBRARY. That book (for me it was the ENTIRE little house on the prairie series) would come from a different library and I would take so much pride in that book and even try to get it back early and in better condition then I got it. I was proud to have it and I treated it as such. This is how I felt when I got to keep Molly! Perhaps those Doctors at Cardinal Glennon cheated death when they saved her life and now she was on a "loan" from God. I embraced that, I was proud, I vowed to teach her all about God and his wondrous deeds and when she would be called back she would have been better then when I got her, that was my mindset...............Then Sunday happened. She experienced a 45 minute seizure at my mom's. Moran was quick to get to mom's from work in Effingham and drove her to the hospital as she was unresponsive. When I got that call from mom the words LENDING LIBRARY came to mind for the 1st time! I have always felt she was on a loan basis but these words rang out. Was her book getting stamped, was this the date she was getting called back? I know, sounds odd but this is how I felt! ESPECIALLY in the ambulance on the way to St Louis! So here we are, at home, safe and sound and just waiting to see if she has another seizure. Many have called and asked about her so I thought I would turn to this blog. She is not herself. She has puked several times since being home, even last night! She doesn't have the flu but nothing stays down. FAST FORWARD 1 year!!!!! I composed the 1st part of this blog right at a year ago and never posted it. Time got away from me! Here we are a whole year later and six seizures deep into an unknown world! Molly "appears" normal but her brain struggles and she struggles to comprehend things that were once second nature! My Mitch has a super short fuse with her because sometimes her behavior is so odd or her memory is so absent he is sure she is "faking it!" It takes one look into her blank stare to realize there is no FAKING this! We are vigilant in making sure she takes her meds mornings and nights and that she gets all the sleep her little brain needs. Regardless, the safe measures aren't enough at times and she still has a seizure. Her seizures happen in her sleep or in the twilights stage! Not fully asleep at night or not fully awake in the morning! Mitch wants to get her a seizure dog because it really is scary to witness but they cost a lot of money!! If anyone is independently wealthy and wants a good cause I guess they could pay for Molly a seizure dog! We are on medication number 2 and make a wish won't grant a wish until she fails 3 meds! I hope she doesn't get a wish, med changes are very hard on her! To whomever turned her in for a wish, THANK YOU! We pray a lot! We pray that she will somehow grow out of this, we pray for all the babies in the NICU and we pray that she will always be in her own bed if she does have a seizure! My big kids are real protective of her and she HATES that! She doesn't ever ever want anyone to mess over her...... she wants to be her own person! Spend a day with Miss Molly and you will know why she is the most popular book in the LENDING LIBRARY!